Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

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Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Mom Ain't as Spry as She Once Was

Derek Sheriff
Research Analyst
Tenth Amendment Center

Dear Mr. Sheriff,

It hurts the movement when one patriot maliciously attacks another. That's especially true when the attacking patriot publicly questions the abilities of his target's mother. That's what your respected Tenth Amendment Center colleague, E. Browning Bosley, did the other day when he tweeted:
@JC_Christian Your mama won't stop giving me head. I want her to stop because, frankly, I can get better.
Now, I don't know if you know what he means by "head;" I had to look it up, myself. It's one of those filthy liberal things in which a man puts his little soldier into a not-man's mouth (like Klinton got himself impeached for doing) or when he puts his tongue inside a not-man's wootywoo--some claim it also involves licking the little sailor in the boat, but we all know there ain't no such thing.

It was very wrong for Mr. Bosley to attack my mother like that. She's almost 80 years old and suffers from a touch of arthritis in her neck. Of course she's not going to be able to blow a guy with the same verve she brought to it when she hit 70. What did Mr. Bosley expect?

I was hoping that, as one of his colleagues, you could help me defend my mother's honor. You're a true conservative, and you, certainly, have the look of a patriot who's never experienced a blow job. You don't have a yardstick to measure mom's technique against. You'll think she's fantastic no matter what. I guess I'm asking you to allow mom to blow you and, then, share your experience with Mr. Bosley. Show him that my mom is appreciated.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian

Previously: In-tea-llectual: "there is both good and bad in assassinating the president"

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.